The way i shall die

i want to die sulking all the lotus,
all the wrinkled hands of my street-
one by one
into this pool of vintage pharynx
Broken lights, broken pigments
i want to choke and rest like sex
with air inside my weak lungs
until my carmine conch shreds.
Cold evening lights
cold sex, cold coffee
cold paintings on the wall,
my room a cold memory-
i want to die choking on asphyxiation of point zero
/Rituals/ / Ceremonies / / Truths / / Lies/
lying under the soft star of detachment,
My body shall drip anxious questions
on You, on this massive Earth of Killers
who do not disintegrate between a television and lips of real.
Burn you— till the sky is pasted with bubbles of aghast.
and so, i will die in the momentum of pervasive stride, galloping.
These words they use are amorphous now
hanging like a loose nail, pricking the souls
fading the eyelids of the moon.
They stink like rubber. They do. They do.
Incarcerated. Wallowing husk.
Murderers.

P.S- I am forcing myself to write as I had already decided to shut down but I felt a little better seeing the love you all showed. I am trying to hang in there.

©Devika Mathur/ MVS

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my valiant soul

A dreamer and a believer for the upliftment of women rights. A published poet, author, writer. Believes in dancing and cooking amazing food for hungry souls at times. Loves to write and write till the moon is satisfied. My writings can be found at Visual Verse, Indian Periodical, Sick Lit mag, Duane's Poetree, Thistle magazine, among various others. Curator of Olive Skins.

71 thoughts on “The way i shall die”

  3. Bit by bit, day by day… pat yourself on the back for the everyday accomplishments.
    This is intense, raw, and displays a sharp and poignant use of vocabulary:
    “i want to choke and rest like sex
    with air inside my weak lungs
    until my carmine conch shreds.
    Cold evening lights
    cold sex, cold coffee
    cold paintings on the wall,
    my room a cold memory-
    i want to die choking on asphyxiation of point zero
    /Rituals/ / Ceremonies / / Truths / / Lies/
    lying under the soft star of detachment,
    My body shall drip anxious questions
    on You,”

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  9. Dark, Dark, Dark!

    yet so bitterly sweet it is as read while eating dark chocolate. 😀 😀

    loved the expression

    “i want to die choking on asphyxiation of point zero
    /Rituals/ / Ceremonies / / Truths / / Lies/
    lying under the soft star of detachment,
    My body shall drip anxious questions
    on You, on this massive Earth of Killers”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. I received a piece of advice sometime back; darkness is everywhere, let people know what light is….

        Say dark content to be repulsive, say dark content to be disturbing, say dark content to be nauseating, but never say dark work is any less for an art….

        I appreciate the way you write. It is unique. It is you. There is no harm exercising it until and unless you love it, you live it…

        Dear Devika.. ❤

        Liked by 2 people

  11. “want to die sulking all the lotus,
    all the wrinkled hands of my street-
    one by one” you want to hurt yourself in your own way?? Well then it’s a perfect start to show how you are going to romance with your sadness.”.into this pool of vintage pharynx
    Broken lights, broken pigments
    i want to choke and rest like sex
    with air inside my weak lungs
    until my carmine conch shreds” this is Soo painful expression..like how can you even write that imagery in such beautiful manner which reflects pain..damn devika..💓💓💓💓..much love to you….”My body shall drip anxious questions
    on You, on this massive Earth of Killers
    who do not disintegrate between a television and lips of real”hmm…good one..but little confused..by I think you have compared with actions and words ..nice.”Burn you— till the sky is pasted with bubbles of aghast.
    and so, i will die in the momentum pervasive stride, galloping.
    These words they use are amorphous now” that imagery of sticking bubbles is beautiful👌👌and dying in momentary pervasive stride is awesome..yaa..”fading the eyelids of the moon.
    They stink like rubber. They do. They do.
    Incarcerated. Wallowing husk.
    Murderers”hanging like nail and other expressions you have mentioned here..are beautiful as always..special mention to that eyelids of moon line and stink like rubber

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    1. I know it has been long since I replied to this but you know very well I take proper time to reply to your delightful words.
      Firstly, thank you for the great extend of appreciation Kalyan. I am always surprised to see such great enthusiasm in you while reading my work.
      That is really sweet of you.
      And this work is totally out of anxiety so its better that I keep things to myself..if you know what I mean.
      You surely are a nice person.
      Thank you for this!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I know what you mean…You are really really sensitive..maybe that’s the strength behind your poems.I feel that you have better psyche too..I mean like you can predict the things even before they happen..in form of dreams or in form of mood shifts etc..ever happened to you??

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Honestly, there are one to two of your works that shine for me above all the others. This is one. Rare and affecting …. (sometimes I too write for release and I hope your feel purged somewhat, dear D 💐💓 We are here for you xx

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  20. This left me aghast and almost gasping for breath…such is the effect of this poem. It strikes you right there where it should and shakes your to the core.This is a master piece, D!

    I wouldn’t have been a fan of dark poetry if you weren’t here.You should know how much you are adored and admired for what you do with words, D! So keep writing. It’s ok to not feel your best at times, but keep writing, and never give up. 🤗

    Lots of love!
    ❤️😘❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Aww, Chhaya I missed you like really.
      I feel at times, I connect so damn well with you. And yeah I agree managing Instagram and all this social media is a ruckus and trust me I am bad at this too but would love to meet you there.
      Thank you again for your calm words.❤️❤️☘️

      Liked by 2 people

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      1. Yes, there’s some connection, and it’s just beautiful. I truly value that and treasure it in my heart. ❤️❤️

        Instagram…. I am still trying to make up my mind. 😂😂 But seems like you just might convince me. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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